The Other Side of Fear

Good morning friends,

I hope you had a great weekend and that your week ahead is full of wonder and light.

Today’s post is one I’ve written about before. The first time, on my original blog, I really focused on my exchange program and living in England. You can read it here if you want!

Today I’m going to speak to it a little differently. We’re talking about facing fears. Life is a series of events, challenges, changes, and decisions. Filling in each day with goodness, light, and love will create a robust life that’s worth living and inspires others. Your life is also about your hopes and dreams for the future. It’s about creating yourself and finding your purpose along the way. A purpose which, I believe, should leave the world a better place.

When searching, or creating yourself, it inherently means you’ll need to learn something new so that you can change and grow into this purpose you’ve designed. This can be terrifying sometimes. We create this comfort zone of things we know how to do, how to handle, and how to overcome. We sit in this comfort zone because it’s safe, it’s recognizable, and really, it’s comfortable.

We also have a growth zone. This zone is where we’ve learned something new, changed and grew into a newer version of ourselves. But between the comfort zone and the growth zone is the panic zone. It’s this zone where we face the challenges of being uncomfortable. It’s here where we need to adapt, learn, adjust, change, stretch and grow. It’s the zone that sends us back to the comfort zone where we don’t feel stress, anxiety, and panic.

Here is a visual for you.

What it really comes down to is creating a vision for yourself of what and where you want to be in your life. Look at the things you want to do and ask yourself why you aren’t doing them yet? Take a deep breath and really answer the question.

It’s usually fear. Fear of failure, or of not being good enough, strong enough, or something similar to that. At the end of the day it’s fear that holds you back.

But where does this fear come from is the real question. It’s a really complicated answer and yet so simple too. You’ve made it up in your head, based on past experiences or trauma. Something in your life has told you it’s a risky move and so your brain holds on to that fear and makes it worse when you want to try new things. This is something that is worth digging into with a therapist. Learning and unlearning things from your past is so incredibly helpful, but more on that another time.

At the end of the day, you are facing something new; facing an opportunity to grow and change and it feels uncomfortable because it’s new and you haven’t been there before.

When I start something new, I’ve begun saying to myself “Allow yourself to be a beginner. You cannot start out by being excellent”. We get caught up in trying to make all the right moves, decisions, and actions at the very start when we we’re still learning the new thing. The point is that we’re learning, we don’t have the knowledge yet, and part of learning is making mistakes. So be gentle with yourself as you take on something new. Strive for excellence, sure, but be easy on yourself as you learn.

I was a figure skater for 10 years when I tried playing hockey for the first time. Let me tell you figure skates and hockey skates are not the same thing. The very first hockey practice I was on my butt so often. I remember thinking, “what am I doing here? This isn’t fun.” (A line from “She’s The Man” which I always thought was particularly funny). But I digress. The point is, I was already a really good skater. I’d perfected it over 10 years for goodness sake. Why couldn’t I do this? The blades on hockey skates are shorter, they don’t have the toe pick, and you have to move differently. That’s why. I had to allow myself to be a beginner, even in an area where I thought I could excel. Was it hard? Yes. Frustrating? Yes. Worth it? Yes! For one year I did both figure skating and hockey, the following year I chose to play only hockey. It was absolutely worth it.

So, when you have a picture of what you want your life to look like, stop and ask yourself what is holding you back. Your answer will probably be fear. So go deeper and ask yourself what you’re afraid of. You might just be afraid of being a beginner. Speak to your inner child and let them know they are safe. Let them know that throughout the journey of growth you’ll learn the tools so that you won’t be a beginner for long. But you’ve got to start somewhere; As Maria Von Trapp said the beginning is a very good place to start.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Push through. Challenge your thoughts that say you can’t do it. Tell them that they aren’t serving you and you’ll see exactly what you’re capable of. And friend, you’re capable of so much!

As always, be gentle with yourself,

Katrina

xo