A Little Light

Good morning Friends and happy Wednesday!

This first month of 2023 has been grey and kind of dark, hasn’t it? It definitely makes it harder to go about the day with a light heart and soul with such gloomy weather outside. We had a little bit of sunshine this week, but it didn’t last long. It just feels like it’s been grey for so long. And that’s just it, it’s this sort of uncomfortable middle ground between light and dark. It’s grey. It’s light and dark at the same time. What can we do with this winter greyness?

Well, let’s go back a bit. Firstly, the binary oppositions light and dark are so beautiful to me. We cannot appreciate one without the other. They support each other in such a profound way. Without darkness we would have no need for light and what a shame that would be. To quote Brene Brown “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it.” On top of that, darkness is often tagged to sadness, challenges, fear, worry, all those dark and twisty emotions that we all deal with. Darkness allows for these to just BE. Because they should be able to be there. It helps us grow, learn, and change. If we let it, the darkness will strengthen us. The darker it is the brighter the light will be when it comes. And friend it will come. To get there we cannot linger in the darkness for too long— we don’t want to get stuck.

I think that is kind of what this grey feels like. Stuck between the dark and the light. It’s easier to fall into the darkness instead of looking for the light, because while it is the middle ground between the two, doesn’t it just feel a little more dark than light? Isn’t it easier to be lazy, stay inside, and cozy up in front of the TV instead of getting up early and setting yourself up for success? Or making a healthy lunch, getting some exercise in, and doing thing that fuel your soul? Doesn’t the winter grey feel like a great excuse to do nothing?

And maybe that’s true, maybe this season— as we already explored in this other post, is for that. It’s for hibernating, resting and rejuvenating. But it also shouldn’t mean that we don’t do the things that make us feel good. It doesn’t mean we focus on the gloomy weather and stop showing up for ourselves. We must be the light for ourselves in these gloomier days. Sometimes it’s really hard and sometimes it’s super easy. It’s about the balance of light and dark. So when it’s feeling like a little too much dark, remember that your favourite tea, or coffee, is waiting for you when you wake up. Remember that your body feels energized once you get it moving. Remember that cooking your favourite meal actually fills your soul as well as your stomach, or that playing your favourite music and dancing it out before you start your day will help boost your mood. Remember that YOU are the light when it’s dark and grey.

There is beauty and hardship in both the light and the dark. It’s the natural balance of things. We have both within us and how we balance between them is who we are. The full quote by Brene Brown is this:

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” Brene Brown

We cannot be afraid of our darkness for it will dim the light and the light is so important to hold on to. We have to sit with our fears, worries, struggles, sit with them and process them. We have to allow them to BE part of us so we can work through them. We have to talk about them.

Today is Bell Let’s Talk day and this day has always held a special place in my heart. The objective to remove the stigma surrounding mental health and to create space for conversations is so so important. I try to do it as often as I can. Today is not the only day to talk about it; it must be done every day in a million little ways.

I like to call my struggles the darkness. The darkness can creep in now and then when things get tough, but there is always room for light. Learn to find your light when things get dim. Perhaps it’s a tea and a book, or a walk in the park. Perhaps it’s movie and popcorn. Perhaps you’re sitting there saying “Katrina it’s not that simple. Sometimes the weight is so heavy I don’t want to do anything.”

I know how that feels. It’s easier to stay in bed and be tired and cozy. I hear you. I feel you, more than you know. I want to encourage you to talk about your darkness with someone. Call a friend or a family member that you trust. Tell them you need them to sit with you and just listen, or just be. And if someone calls you or reaches out, please please be their light. Just BE with them and tell them you care about them. Tell them they are loved and supported. Annoy them with your love. Show up for them.

Better yet, just show up. Check on your friends and family. Ask them how they are — heart, body, mind, and soul. Tell them you really want to know and then really listen and really care. Be their light when the darkness feels too much.

I remember a moment in third year university when I was in my room trying and failing to work on my assignments. I was overwhelmed and stressed like I’d never been before. I was working a lot and in 5 classes. Everything was important and I couldn’t do it all. It was easier to do nothing at all. I remember sitting there feeling this tightness in my chest and feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking and unsure what to do. I just took a deep breath and went to my roommates room to chat. Not about how I was feeling, but just to get out of my head. To set the weight down for even just a moment. And she let me. She chatted with me and we vented, hung out together, and I felt better. When I went back to my room I called my mom and told her what happened. I let her know I was struggling and that things were really heavy. Letting someone in and knowing that they had my back was empowering. It was everything. Talking about it halves the weight.

Therapy is an incredible thing that has helped me tremendously as well over the last year and a half. I understand myself so much better and can work through things differently now. Covid gave me some serious anxiety, friends. It’s been hard to handle. And in the weirdest way I’m grateful for it, because I had to find support in new ways. I had to dig in and do the hard work to understand myself on a whole new level. It’s been so worth it. You can do it too. Talking about it, and everything else, in therapy has made everything so much lighter.

There is light and dark inside all of us and we are not broken for it, but better for it. We grow and learn and become incredibly strong individuals with stories and wisdom to share because we’ve endure it. The darkness is beautiful too if we let it be so.

So today on Bell Let’s Talk Day let’s be open to having important conversations about our darkness. Let’s be receptive to those looking to share. Let’s also take the time to really check in with our people. Be the light in the darkness.

As always be gentle with yourself— especially in this grey season,

Katrina

xo

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” – Og Mandino

If you or anyone you know is struggling please reach out to an organization near you. Here is a list.